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So when i got to school.. i was sooo hoping that the results wouldn't have been there already. And they werent, but i turned in my slip.... now all i can do is wait... in agony. I dont even want to smoke, i'm so scared. So imma be stressing tomorrow.. i really hope no one comes to the classroom calling my name. We are supossed to get out of class early tomorrow.. so i'm crossing my fingers....

Steven called me to say hi in between his surgery and his meeting. Wanted to let me know he was thinking about me and that he misses me. Oh sooo sweet. He makes me so happy inside. He then called later on tonight. he said that he tried French Sangria tonight. He sounded a lil tipsy... he was being so cute. I love listening to him laugh... its so.. dorky yet so cute.

Lot zit in Pittem, en dat is verdomd ver weg. Er is zelfs geen trein of busverbinding ofzo zonder 25 keer te moeten overstappen. Tss. Erg irritant. Maar in de vakantie volgende week neem ik Charlotte en misschien Goelie mee en kunnen we samen gaan. We tekenen een gigantisch uitvergrote schelp in waarnemingstekenen met pastel en vooral dat pastel zie ik enorm zitten. Hoewel ik er een beetje bang voor ben. En zeker op zo'n groot formaat. Het is een A2(!) Die ezels zijn ook heel onhandig. Ik vind het niet echt om mijn arm op te laten steunen en ik kreeg al zo'n geval op mijn hoofd.

Thursdays are always such refreshing days for me...

i sleep in until the whee hours of the evening.... but this thursday he and i both have off.. i havent spent a whole day with him since i had surgery... and at that point i was just boning him.. .because.

Well..J called me today... asking me if i rememberd a scratch on the rear of his precious08 mbenz... i told him no. I think that was part of his problem.. he wanted to keep things perfect.. life isnt perfect.. im not perfect.. and he cant protect me from dings all my life! He never did understand that i could take care of myself... sure its nice that he occasionally paid this or that.. which mean that i had more money to spend on inportant stuff like me! lol.. but he incapacitated me... when he paid all my bills for that one month... i didnt even know what to do with myself. I cant have a man that enables me to be wreckless..... if you want to do something special. take me on a shopping spree... dont pay all my bills and send me raving mad with 5gs in the bank that month (i made bonus.. too at work) and set me free.

Ive concluded that i miss different men in my life for different reasons... as follows

i miss the man that planned getaways.. for he and i

i miss the man that sent me flowers to my job...

i miss the man that bought me flowers every month just to remind me of a fresh start..

i miss the man who would.. think of me in randomness.. and purchase a really great book that he knew id love..

i missed the man.. now that theres ice out.. who cleared my windshield of ice.. because he knows i hate doing it.

i miss the man who.. doded on me with his gentle touch and expressions of his love..

i miss the man who.. loved me.. with all my inperfections.

i guess looking at this list.. i miss the menwho were creative in thier ways of expressing the ways in which they cared about me.. and for me.

i love creative men.. every action they do.. says it was with you in mind that i did this.. not just some random.. thing that all men do.

sos.. surprised me the other day in his semi randomnesss... got me a little doggie that looked like taurus.. wasnt much.. but it meant that he was inspired by this object.. and thought of me. that means alot.. especially with his recent attempts to communicate a sense of emotion.. with his gazes and tender kisses in the morning.. wonder if he will progress into being as random as i? i thought that hed get the hint... when i started in my randomcreativeness... but he didnt.. you can lead a horse to water but you.. (lol.. cant make em.. drink!) guess the adage is true... i guess hes just enjoying being thought of.. but damnit.. he needs to remember.. that its a two way street.

cap keeps annoying me.. i think ill be nice and tell him a final lie to put him out of his misery.... id rather lie than tell him that his obsession with me is totally unfounded.. and since we have never even kissed id think that he would get that through his head.. i guess its my fault though since im the one who egged him on to send me cumshots.. since he always said he thinks of me when he masturbates.. who cares.. but man do i laugh my ass off when i see his tiny dick.. (he holds it between his thumb and forefinger.. its so small.)

well... thats it for now.. brain hurts.

Today is my birthday and I turned 38.. Gosh I feel old..lol.. my babies are 17 years old and 18 years old already... My birhtday actually sucked because only a few people remembered it and that was Tom, Pam, and some of my friends... they were awesome... they left me comments on my space and my year book but i was really pissed off becausenone of my own family who live on myspace could even wish me a happy birhtday.. its not like they didnt know because myspace leaves a birthday reminder for all the friends and familys on their home page...
but oh well cus what goes around comes around i guess...
until next time...

Not the best way to start the school year.. LOL...... I got about 17 textbooks and one of the very first things we were given in class was a packet regarding background checks. We were informed that we had to take a drug test, TODAY before the place closes. believe me, i freaked the fuck out. I started having heart palpatations and shit. For a lil bit, i was worried that I wouldnt even have enough time to buy a detox drink at the head shop. But one of our teachers decided that she would let us out at 12 so we would have plently of enough time. As soon as i was done, entering my information on my computer for the background check i got into my car as fast as i could. I stopped by Blues Bros and they were all out of drinks!! So i went to Vishions in Esco, walked in saying.. "i need the BEST drink u have, i gotta take a drug test in a few hours!" The dude working gave me this one drink, costs friggin $50!!! It tasted like complete SHIT... but i really hope it works. I was sweating like crazy earlier today and i threw up several times. I hope thats all part of the detox, cuz if its not, lol then that drink did not sit well in me.

Steven called me after i got home and threw up some. I had a massive headache. I had to tell him about the drug test. I felt he was disappointed, but he laughed and said.. "i guess now wouldnt be the best time to tell you not to do illegal drugs, huh?" He suggested some funny things to pass a test- like i'm really going to get someone who has clean pee.. get a catheter and put it back in my bladder.. that is just the craziest thing i have ever heard of LOL.. only a urologist would think of something like that. He was very comforting tho. I felt like crying cuz i was so stressed and just hearing his voice made me relax a little bit.